Is it over yet?

So this year is almost over. Christmas has come and gone. Frost on the grass. Wrapping paper is now long gone. Excess weight around the mid section is on the rise. But what else am I to do with good food? It has been a great break from school but i am ready to get back to the grind and get it finished. It was fun to spend time with the kids but I must confess my mind is on school. Is that strange? I will be glad to get done and on to the next phase. I am thrilled to be alive and ready for the new year. I will post more after we get back from Mammoth. 2 days of snowboarding should get me in the mood to really study hard. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and are ready for the New Year to bring all that you need. Hopefully the economy will pickup and we all will get what we need. Is a new president possible this year? Seems like this one has been in office way too long!

Macy

Macy is my song girl. We put up a youtube of her singing Sunshine in the Soul. What a crackup she is. she sang it for her baptism with no piano and no book. She sings it all around the house. I can not get it out of my head. When I am sinking in despair about microbiology I hear her singing. She is just too cute. Her baptism went well. Did I tell you I am losing my mind? Well I didn't bring a towel to dry myself off. Pretty funny with half wet shirt and tie. Did i tell you I forgot the programs and had to race home to get them? Yep I did make it back in time to be there for her baptism. I am amazed I didn't forget my name that day. But when you are the only male in the house you are forgiven or made fun of. mostly the latter. But it is OK by me. At least the remember who I am after being gone 5 days a week. Could always be worse right? I am thankful that my girls are realizing that the gospel is what is important. Jillian lost a molar the other night. She said with a wink that the tooth fairy would bring her 5.00 for this tooth. So in my infinite wisdom I typed up a letter for her by #173 tooth fairy that stated she wouldn't get any money until we checked all the rules about teeth with tootsie roll on them. She laughed when she saw me the next morning. The jig is up. But I always do leave them some wacky notes for Christmas and such. Well it is back to studying for me. What about you?

So bogged down

Hey there all. Man is it September already? All I can say is that I have been so busy that I forgot to post anything on the blog. Facebook gets some time because it is easy and quick. But I do need to keep up the blog just to let off steam. A busy month with Roxy turning 3 and Macy turning 8. Too quick for me. they are both so much fun. Macy has a hit single out on youtube called there is sunshine in the soul. Maybe she got it from church. She cracks me up. A girl from school saw it and just laughed hard when she saw me. it was really cute. Just started my new semester. So much fun. It is a tough one but you know only 3 more semesters after this one and I am done. A dear old acquaintance passed this last Saturday and I have been in touch with the family since he was diagnosed with cancer. He is in a better place now and i know someday we will embrace again. he was one of the driving forces to get me to learn to be accountable for my actions and brought me back into the church. I can never thank him enough. His daughter also taught me many lessons by example of missionary spirit. I will always be thankful to her. i had not seen them in over 27 years but when we met one day it was as if we never lost track of each other. I am thankful for all my friends. A Short post tonight so I can get back to microbiology. Take care all.

A Day of New

This is a short story I had to write for English. why do i post it here? To let you know I am doing something in English besides looking at prepositional phrases and singing conjunction junction what's your function:
A long pause, then a sigh, finally words started to form in his mouth. It was a showering of expression and reasoning. Would they understand? Could they understand? They might even see in his eyes the wonderment and excitement of this event.
A crisp morning in the hills where aspen leaves slowly bent, and showed their colors as if on fire. Evergreens still bristled with the green needles that saw the time pass away ever so slowly, if only they could talk. A slight haze still lingered throughout the valley. Animals of all shape and size scurried around with no obvious purpose. If they could talk, what would they say of the latest news of the valley. One can only think that they were indeed happy to be there.
A day passes with all of this excitement, yet an unease still lingered in the air. Trees that once bore the beautiful colors that all could enjoy were now dull. The ground that was once soft and vibrant, was hard and ached. If only it could spring back to life. Maybe, in 6 months, it could blossom again. Yet sometimes a piece would be moved and a glimmer of green would appear. Would it last? Would it survive? If only that blade could talk.
The small boy finished his story and still wondered why everyone was crying. Many wanted more answers but realized that this is all they would have for now. You see, he was only three and never spoke before. He spoke of playing in the barn around all the hay. The fort he created and the joy he found in there. The breeze that filled the valley whistled a tune to him. His parents were content he was having so much fun in the hay. No more tugging at mother’s apron. No more crying when he wanted something. He could now communicate what he wanted and why he wanted it.
The matches he took to the barn were for light in his fort he built out of several bales of hay. He didn’t know that it would be such a big deal.

Energized

So, do you ever wonder what energizes you? Of course you do. As I was eating this evening I asked myself why am I so amped and ready to go? Is it the eggs, toast, hash browns, and sausage? Nope. Is it just I am an overly energetic person? Not anymore, ask my wife. Well as I thought more, hence the picture, I realized it is because of you the reader, listener. I really must confess I have been down in the dumps for a few years. It had to do with all my friends. Now don't take this wrong. I had lost touch with so many friends. I didn't have the close bonds that I used to have. As many of you know I have always had many friends. Many of you don't realize just how much you have meant to me over the years. A dear friend passed last year and I could not attend the funeral. I still have not forgiven myself for that. One of my foster mothers recently passed and I met with family members that I had not seen in 40 years. Do I sound old? I have been on a mad rush to reconnect with old friends. Not for necessarily the reminiscing but the pure friendships I enjoyed. To apologize for possible wrong doings also. Dose this mean that I am planning on leaving soon? NO WAY. I really understand the power of friends. Although my family is a great boost to my life it is also a responsibility factor and it is difficult to tell or really show your 2 year old what a good friend I am. I am a firm believer that the family is the central part of my core. I also understand that I have to be a parent more than a friend. Hence the dilemma. I recently made contact with a dear friend that said something to me that hit me funny. They said that they remember me being introspective. I sat there for a bit and realized yep that's me. Hence the Blog. Hence, I wonder if I am using it right. Maybe I will ask Fezzik. He will know. So I went over a profile test I took for one of my classes and it says I am Individualistic, A Developer, An Achiever, and A WOO. (Woo means to bring out traits from other people). So I had to agree. I want others to succeed. I want others to enjoy. Does that mean at my expense? No, I just want people to rise to their potential. Someone told me over 20 years ago if I quit the commitment I was in that I would be a failure the rest of my life. For so long I believed it. I felt like a failure. Sometimes even in marriage I felt that way because I was not the best provider considering my potential. I always thought I would write songs to comfort people. To let them know that others felt as they did. That I could change their life around and make them happy. (maybe after I retire I will try that) Now I know that the Lord was preparing me or allowing things to hit me so i could be prepared for my current course of action. I know that I will be a great nurse. I will care for my patients. I will not be there just to pick up a paycheck. I look forward to the day when I can help someone even though they may revile me but I will care for them no matter what. So you my friends are an integral part of my life. I know that I will rekindle friendships beyond the veil also. This life is so short and there is so much to do. The temple helps me realize that I can not achieve all that is in my brain but that I need to be on the right course. I have found family members to do genealogy for that I always thought I would never be able to do. What a blessing. Am I rambling on yet? So in answer to the question what energizes me. Life, Love, Family and you my friends.

Does my mind hurt?

So in psychology class we have gone round and round about does the mind exist inside or outside the brain. So many have said it is the brain. Of course for those of you who really know me I can argue about anything at anytime. I love to argue. OK I love to debate. I don't get mad at whom ever I am debating with. I do not attack them personally. I just love to have the debate to see what we all think. I could not get my point across in the class that the mind is the spirit we have. Since our teacher is agnostic and is a physicist, it is almost a useless point. But the class knows where I stand. By the way they voted me to be the class liaison. Which means they trust my ability to argue points with administration or faculty. Since I am older than many of the faculty I can brow beat them. If that doesn't work I can take them into a back alley and teach them a thing or two. On to the point, I am in pain. My mind is hurting. How do I memorize all the bones, condyles, epicondyles, crests, tubercles and such? Well somehow I memorized enough for the test. Now it is on to the muscles. Why do they have to have nearly every consonant in the alphabet in their name? Bugs the heck out of me. But this too shall pass. So do I think that it is necessary? You tell me if as an RN I will ever say to my patient, your gastrocnemius muscle is torn. Or that your intercondyular eminence is worn out. How about, your calf muscle is torn and your tibia is wearing out. But then again it is neat trivia I can impress the kids with. Speaking of which. Jillian turned 10. Yippeeeee. I will post pictures later when I get back home. The day of the party we went to a nursing home for her group to sing. It was great. Bridget also sang and she just loves it. She smiles from ear to ear. She is just the most loving girl. Hope everyone is safe and happy. Just think only 3 1/2 years till the next president.

Clarity

OK, so many people may know what a big John Mayer fan I am and think it is about his hit song Clarity. Nope. Clarity comes from the heart and mind being in unison. Or the Spirit and heart being in unison. Which ever you want. As I was in the Temple last week I had a physical clarity that was so perfect. I have had a bad back for 28 years. I put up with it. I deal with it. Sometimes I cry for it. Well I had excruciating pain waiting for my session to start. I sat in prayer and just simply asked for help. By the end of the prayer I forgot what hurt. I figured I better not move so as to bring back the pain. But it stayed away. All during the session I knew it was a miracle. Am I cured forever? No but it was The Lord's way of letting me know where he was and that he was listening. I have missed that for so long. I really started to understand even more so that we don't need the major miracles to get along in life. The small ones are just fine. A week later I still have twinges of pain here and there but it fells better. So as I sat in the Temple tonight I gave thanks again and also felt that things were only going to get better. I helped out at the Baptistery since I would be doing some names this evening. I really enjoyed that time with some youth in their experiences with the Temple. I also met a couple that have been doing baptisms ever since the joined the church a short while ago. They come every week. I was blessed to be apart of their experience. What a joy we have in the opportunity we have too attend the Temple. Now that I am even closer during the week it is great. I left class today and went straight to the Temple. Now I can find more clarity.

When horses are the boss

So it finally happened. Jillian finally has had enough of horses. Last night at horse lessons Jillian was given a choice to ride a different horse than usual. Since she is a bit shy I had her ask our teacher which horse she thought she should ride. So Bentley was the choice.
Now Macy was as content as ever riding Phoebe. All was well until Jillian started to trot. The teacher could see that Jill was not in full control. She told Jill to get Bentley to stop or walk. Try as she might she couldn't. Her words turned into screams because Bentley turned it into a full gallop in the ring. I jumped into the ring knowing what was about to happen. The teacher and I both tried to get him to slow down and he came to a corner to stop.
Now generally when a horse decides to stop on a dime whatever is on the horse will come off. Jillian hit the ground hard and jumped up quick. But I knew it wasn't good. She said she was never going to ride again. I was more concerned with her arm bent in an unnatural way. I knew it was broke. I never panic in trauma situations unless it is one of my girls. Although I didn't panic outwardly my heart was racing. First I wanted someone to call 911 but realized I could drive to the ER faster.
Macy was in tears and was so concerned with her sisters well being. Macy is so sweet and tender. As we drove to the hospital, all I could think is why couldn't I have caught her. Another 5 feet and she would have been in my arms. I felt powerless. But I know that it is what it is, an accident. Now the fun began with the comedy of errors. I called Lori to let her know what happened. She was in line at Costco. After waiting in the ER for an hour just to get triage They confirmed what I knew. The funny thing is that as I first came in with only 7 people in the ER I knew life was funny. 6 people were called ahead of us that were not even there anymore. The first employee I spoke with asked the typical questions. I told her my wife was a RN in Labor and Delivery at this hospital. She then asked where does your wife work? I told her here at the hospital. She asked what does she do? I told her she is an RN. She asked what department. I wondered is this really typical? Do people just not here what other people say?
I think we have become so busy in filling out our forms, that we don't hear the answers or forget because we are trained rats. So Lori showed up and I took Macy home to be with Grandma. She cried almost for 2 hours about the incident. So after I got back to the ER the X rays confirmed her bent arm was broken. They sedated her to put it back in place. The Dr was so funny in asking her questions if she was awake. He asked her which sister was her favorite. Macy. Who was the one she didn't like the most. Bridget. She would talk in gibberish and we needed our video camera. She cried even though sedated. It was painful but she held up great. She didn't know she had been out for only 5 minutes.
So eventually Lori went home. Did I tell you that they turned off the water to the hospital? They are building new wings and needed to do so. Friday night busy and lets shut down the restrooms. Outside to the portapotty. Now over 3o people in the ER and outside on the benches. Mental patients roaming around wanting to be seen. Cops there for to injured patients. So 11:30 rolls around and we get home. By the way Jillian had to use a bedpan for her first time.
So Grandma told me that Bridget wanted to see Jillian. I brought her down out of her sleep and she was concerned for her sister. Even though Jillian may say Bridget is a pest, that little pest is the most caring child I know. So as I reflected on the days events I knew that I was moving into the right profession. After seeing some cold nurses with no bedside manner and others that did I realized that you still need your compassion to shine through for the little girls who need it.

I hear so I am

How many times do we sit down to listen to music? Why is it important? Why do we sit and listen to our children? Why are sounds sometimes annoying? Why do we choose certain music over and over?
I have listened to so much music in my life I thought I would tire of it by now. Especially since my hearing has diminished from loud concerts and just bad habits. I have seen so many concerts that often I am amazed I can still walk without falling over from ruptured ear drums. I listen to music because of the old adage it soothes the savage beast. I listen to it because it helps be relax from things I cannot control. It brings me to simpler and easier times. It reminds me of days past present and future. All in all it makes me feel good. The same can be said for listening to my children. (sometimes) I often listen to the words as they were meant for a grand ideal. I sometimes hear them for plain old nonsense. I enjoy the subtleties of words by the poetic nature of some. I love the hidden humor. But most of all I enjoy the feeling of joy that it brings to me. If it is a hymn then it is great. If it is of a guitar player putting his soul into a few bars of pure joy it is good for me. If it is a singer not hitting the note perfectly but his soul is laid out for all to see then it moves me. One case in example is Otis Redding singing Try a Little Tenderness. I shed a tear every time. Now I have heard this song easily over 1000 times. It doesn't matter, it gets me every time. Is it a suppressed memory or a deep thought that I need to improve? It doesn't even matter to me. It is just the raw emotion that is so powerful. Stevie Ray Vaughan playing Tick Tock or Riviera Paradise or Texas Flood. Doobie Brothers playing Long Train Running, Allman Brothers playing Melissa. Kenny Loggins, Dan Fogleberg, Prince, Marvin Gaye, Teddy Pendergrass, Same Cooke, and so many others have touched me. So why do I post about this?
I think that music as art are tied together perfectly. They are both of harmony. Is the gospel also tied into harmony? I hope so. I hear a hymn sometimes and I have perfect clarity for a few moments. I see what I should be and how all man kind should be. I see the purity of children in music and art. Will my children ever be great artists or musicians? Remember the old saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I see the joy they have in singing or drawing and I know that they are great. I could never spend large sums of money on something called art that does not show love beauty or passion derived from beauty to me. Not saying that Pollack wasnt a genius. I too have painted like him. But I will never be in his circle.
I have sat and listened to my children talk and am amazed at how they see so many things. Jillian sees things carefully. Macy often sees things on multiple levels. Bridget cares for everyone and wants a Cinderella world. Roxana just wants the same as her sisters. Lori says things that show me what a compassionate spiritual person she is. Me, I just talk talk talk. I know that I am here on earth to do what is right. I cannot take back what I have ever said but I can say what I think. I know that music can soothe the savage beast. Look at me.

SO, why am I here?

I know that question has been asked and answered many times. I am putting forth an answer that answers both the spiritual and temporal. I can say that I am now learning why after almost 47 years. As I have embarked on my new learning in preparation for my new career I have become amazed at the universe. As a child I looked to the stars and to the logic of it all. I read a year ago or so that scientists have stated that the universe has an end. So when you get to the end of the universe what is there? A brick wall saying you cant go any further? A line in the sand saying don't cross this line? An endless waterfall that once you go over you disappear? Such learned men create strange things. Then there was an article that said the universe was like a soccer ball with hexagon shapes. Again all to contain within some type of understanding. Can we not explain everything? Is it man's ignorance that forces us to explain every little thing?
Well as I was listening to a podcast on anatomy and physiology about DNA transportation and translation ( I haven't started classes yet but wanted to get a head start) that I saw the glory of God's creation again. I have seen it many times. In the water, in the air, on top of a mountain, at the birth of my children, at the Temple with my wife. So again as I am learning again I see the treasures of what God created. We are not tadpoles. We are majestic complex humans created in his image to further the cause of good and justice.
I sat and thought why am I hear? I am hear to learn. To teach. To love. To cry. To stand tall. To protect. To listen. All these human experiences to bring me to a greater understanding of he who created me and to give thanks. So why am I going down this path to become a nurse? Lets rewind.
I was born with out the traditional loving parents. I was moved about from home to home until I was 11. 8 different homes. I was treated well at times and not so well at other times. No matter I always knew it was just a matter of time. I started working at age 13. I have a resume of jobs that is long. Lawn mower, busboy dishwasher, fry cook, broiler cook, prep cook, short order cook, Burger King employee, T-shirt presser, hay bayler, Oil rig roughneck, car washer, hoddie, (makes concrete for bricklayers) Street sweeper, liquor store cashier, light bulb changer(BYU), tool calibrator, general gopher for defense contractor, english teacher (Taiwan), International sales, Demolition worker, dump truck driver, wood chopper, shipping and receiving clerk, stereo sales, stereo manager, Newspaper depot manager, computer operator, pool cover salesman, Pool designer, business owner and certified nurse assistant. Whew. Can I retire now?
All things are for your good. I have learned something from EVERY job I have had. I know that I am now in the right profession. The other professions have helped me get here but now I am heading towards a meaningful and satisfying career. I have always enjoyed helping people on a large and small scale. I have always wanted to solve problems. Even if I could not solve my own. Isn't that like everyone though? As I reflect on being a CNA at this time I know that I care for my patients. I genuinely want the best for them. Even if they are rude or mean to me. I have compassion. I thought I lost that for so many years. It was there but it didn't have the right outlet. I have realized that I love my fellow human beings. I may not show it but I do not want anyone to hurt. That doesn't mean I wan t them to steal all that I have for their own enjoyment. I have said mean things in my life for which I am ashamed and saddened. I have hurt people with words and fists. I am ashamed of that also. I have stood up for others rights and have been beaten for it. I have never understood why I was given a gift of fighting. Some day it might come in handy to protect my family.
But I have a deeper gift of compassion. I did not understand it until I had to put a patient into the morgue. I know that I treated this patient with kindness where others didn't. I witnessed others treat this patient with disdain. I never saw her with anything other than a person who needed help. I also saw a patient that is near her end and I told her one day we would meet again and be able to walk together in our Heavenly father's kingdom. She has lost much of her mind but I know she understood me 100 percent. I also saw a patient on his last days needing compassion and understanding where others refused. His last couple of days on earth were painful. I was able to tell him that I would do all in my power to make sure he was comfortable as I could provide. One day I will meet him again and hope that I lived up to my promise.
For some of you reading this you may think who is this person who is typing this? It cant be the Tim I know. It is and always has been. I know that I may not show it but I do care. I know that we are all in this world to be better. It takes some of us a long time to understand this but it is the end result that counts. as long as we do something about it. I am excited to become a nurse and to provide compassion and understanding to those that need it. Will I be perfect every time? You already know the answer to that.

Easter blew by

So it has been a while since I last posted anything newsworthy. I think sometimes I am caught up in updating a blog to let people know what is going on and missing what is happening. So I realized that I have a desire to let my friends know things above what I should be doing. I also hold on to old friends with great care because they mean so much to me but to many it is not the same. I have stayed in touch with friends from 35 years ago. I know that it is not as important to them as it is to me. But I learned many many years ago that it is important to me to be a friend forever. I want to always have my friends close. But people grow and change. I too have grown and changed. I enjoy the change. I love to see my friends and how they have changed. One day when I am much grayer I will have my friends to talk to. If they can still understand my sense of humor. I have seen some friends pass on. I am secure that they knew I was always there to talk to or to be a friend when they were in their darkest hours. I think that we take for granted our friendships. Do we know them well enough? Do we thank them for their acts of kindness? Do we give them their space when they need it?
I have sat many nights ready to write my thoughts about Easter nut couldn't do it. Now here it is time to write. Easter is a time to reflect on things of past and how they affect us now and tomorrow. How do we apply this great gift to become better people and give to others. So many talks and concepts are given at this time. In reality it is and should be a very personal thing. Since our Savior died for each and every one of us. Not just a sacrifice for a whole but for every fiber, cell and spirit. Lori and I had the privilege of attending the Temple for 5 sessions one day. We went with an idea of learning and being rejuvenated. It works. Many things can be learned there. But the one thing that always sticks out is that there is peace available to us.
Easter is a glorious time to see new beginnings or rebirths. A second chance for all of us to fulfill our destinies or at least find them. What a time to know who we are why we are here and where we are heading. In this uncertain time of uneasiness in the world we have a wonderful plan to find peace and salvation. When others say we need to do this or that to fix problems when no one really knows what it will take to fix financial problems. We can be assured in knowing if we want to be with our Savior we can strive to live like him and we will live with him again. I was with a patient the other day and they had a picture on their stand of Michael and lucifer. It showed of a war in Heaven. It was interesting to hear the patient say how could there be a war in heaven and why did it happen? I was quick to say what I thought since it is second nature to me. The patient then remarked that she had never thought of it that way. How we take our limited knowledge for granted so many times.
How odd are we to others that we can have a personal relationship with our Savior. How we can stand up for what our beliefs are when the rest of the world decries that what we believe is old fashioned or not tolerant enough. Remember when we have the opportunity to stand tall to state with all our might that Jesus Christ is our Savior we can say it with pure conviction regardless of the consequences. I know that I will one day cry at his feet. I will be in joy with my family by my side to be counted with him.
As I held little Eli Walker it amazed me how wonderful new babies are. Each time I hold one it reminds me of the birth of our Savior and his bring to pass our opportunities we have today. Little Eli was blessed today and Mike did a wonderful job. He was moved by the Spirit in his preparation and his child we be grateful one day for his fathers blessing.

Just Macy

Macy is a crackup. She has a song in her head and just goes around the house singing no matter who is here or if anyone is awake. She plays the piano the same way just for her enjoyment. I cannot tell you the times we have just sat there wondering if she knows we are watching or listening. So anyways last summer we taped her going on one of her songs. We love it. Hope you laugh too. Pause the normal music playing in the background

The times of our lives

So did the headline get you interested? Well I thought I would put down some thoughts today that are mostly random and incoherent. Isn't that what you have come to expect? I was reading an article that said California would penalize its tax payers 20% if they underestimated their taxes. So unless you are perfect in your estimation of taxes, prepare for penalties. Also taxes on soda to go up. (Sorry Lori) Taxes on services to start. Download taxes on movies and tunes. funny how you can be taxed for something that is not tangible. Just binary numbers. More taxes on top of taxes here. So maybe it is just me but taxes go up in a recession causing deeper problems. Sanity is just a fleeting thought. Well enough of the doom and gloom.
Macy announced to Lori at Church that it is the best thing we do as a family. She loves church. We just finished reading The Book Of Mormon together. It took a while chapter by chapter but it was a great thing. especially with our schedules. What a helpful thing during times of over taxation. There I go again with gloom and doom. Macy also told Lori that she is almost in the place she needs to be. At 7 she knows that only when she turns 8 will she be ready to move on. She has been looking forward to her baptism for over 2 years. She is patient. She cracks us up so much. Last year her teacher sent home the obligatory letter saying she would be giving out an award at assembly to Macy. So as I stood behind her at the assembly the Principal announced her name and looked puzzled at her teacher. She announced her name again saying "for outstanding critical thinking, Macy Reed." The room was silent for a second until they realized it was for real. The principal also stated that she had never given out an award like that. I don't know where she gets the critical thinking from. I must say Macy makes things flow smoothly around the house. She helps her little sisters with reading and teaching them to use the computer or do puzzles. She loves to try to show Bridget how to play the piano. She started her writing a song and practices it often. Her piano teacher is impressed. I cannot tell you all how blessed I really am with my family. It is indeed the reason I am on this earth. Either to be taught by them or to teach them, I'm not sure which.
I think that as I get older (such a grand statement) I see things differently in that I must be getting dementia because I cant remember how I used to think. (not really cause we know I am never wrong). Many people think I can never admit I am wrong. but in reality I admit often I am wrong. I just don't say it loudly or near a recorder so someone can use it against me.
I just started working at a hospital as a CNA this week. It was odd because I got so many looks from Dr.'s who thought I was an RN or therapist. It is also refreshing to be back to a job that requires me to liten to others and do as I am told. Sometimes freedoms in employment can actually stiffle you. You can make mistakes that you can sweep under the rug more easily. Now I am at the bottom of the barrel and responsible for all my actions for all to see. It is also refreshing to help those who cannot help themselves. I wonder why I didnt do this sooner. I guess more lessons to learn. I know the next 2 years will be extremely taxing on my pea sized brain. I will be happy to get back into the drivers seat in the income department. Words of wisdom here. Never go in business with someone without an ironclad agreement and a barrel of excess money at your disposal.
One last note. Roxana has a play horse that she say at Costco and Grandma got her for Christmas. She is so funny she wont ride it. She gets on the side of it sitting on the protected springs and holding on to the head. She cracks me up.

What would I do

I often think about where I am today. Where would I be if it were not for my wife and children. It is amazing how we get stuck in the here and now instead of looking back to see really how far we have come. Or to look to the future to see how far we can go. I know that many including myself often say you must be focused on the now. True but we must gauge our progress on something so the past is a great indicator. I see pictures of my children and it really brings out past joys that help us through the present. Sometimes we don't see those things in the present. I think that is really the sad part. But I am trying more. We recently went to the New Children's Museum in San Diego. It was fun. The first thing I saw (Of course I am overly critical) was the possible injuries from boards not meeting what I think is the safety code. Funny how I see all these things. I got over my critical thinking and just enjoyed the day. (Hard to imagine right?) Roxie had a messy fun time painting. Everyone enjoyed the clay making area. I think the big hit was the pillow fight room. Imagine me in a room watching kids bounce around and Roxie getting knocked over. I dont know why I am so overprotective, do you? Anyways it was a great day. Reality set back in though when I saw a sign for the museum applying for a liquor license. Really do people need to have liquor at a childrens museum? Can we not have a fun day without wine and beer? Oh well so much for moral clarity in the world. I must say though it was fun to let the kids just tear it up. Kids make fun from anything. I wish our politicians would take lessons from the children and learn that we dont have to spend a ton of money just to see what makes kids tick. Let kids be kids. (just keep that 13 year old boy in England away from girls for a while)

Love ya

Tim

Rants and other hodgepodge for 2000 Alex.

You know it has been said to many times life begins at 40. I really think it begins the day you get to make your first mortgage payment and you wonder what will I do with the extra 3.45 I have left over in my checking account? In these hard economic times when our elected officials say hey you need to pay us more to support our wild spending habits I reflect on what got us here in the first place. I know there is plenty of blame to go around. But the bottom line is that we have allowed this to happen. We spent when we should have saved. We demanded that they build 30 stores closer to us so we could have it easier. We wanted every channel under the sun. Many people have said that we are inundated with such negative things. They are right. Because we choose to be inundated. Turn off the bad channels or shut off the TV altogether. Turn off the radio. Walk away from those that talk so negatively. Avoid the very appearance of evil. Does that mean Lori has to stop listening to Dr. Laura? No our newly appointed attorney general says we are cowards. Which is it are we tolerant or cowards? I am amazed at so many thing today that it is hard to keep a line of thinking that will make sense. But then those of you who really know me are laughing right now. Go ahead pick yourselves up and wipe away the tears.

I must say that I am optimistic right now. A hospital hired me full time as a CNA. I am lucky to get hired when they wanted someone with a years experience. I know it will help me greatly. I am excited to get into the RN program soon. I am even more excited to get it over with and work harder than ever so Lori can take it easy. She has been such a trooper as of late. I know she feels a great burden on her shoulders. I am grateful she has such a good head on her shoulders.

So now our wonderful Governor who cant pronounce California has signed our budget which rewards those who cant balance a checkbook. Who cant work a full workweek. Who cant understand english. Who cant get off their butts to work. Yippeee for me to pay more for my car tax. (you pay a sales tax every year for a car you already paid a tax for) for more sales tax, for more income tax. Wow I should just be gratefull I live in this state wher we have an abundance of water (well3 judges say a fish is more important than so cal residents) Great fire protection (maybe they will thin the forest and kill of bark beatles next year) Great police ( I know that it is difficult to solve crimes when you race your squad car around town. Long story) Great political support. (viva la france) You get me drift. Pray for us and let us entertain you. (Sean Penn should get a real job)

Love Ya

Tim

And so it goes

So your life is all nice and cozy? Good for you! I must say after the Inauguration I have had many new thoughts. Now for you that know me well enough I am not thinking of any thing evil or illegal. I am in support of my President. Yes you heard me say I am in support of my President. Wow! After hearing someone say at Church that they thought our President was the Anti-Christ and that they felt someone would do something really bad about it I had to chime in. Our new President was elected according to the laws of the land. I could go on about how things should have been different but Rush and Sean Hannity can yak about that. (I do not agree with the tactics of Rush and Sean) The democratic process has worked and we have a new President. Some of the things he wants to do are admirable. Some are not. I wish I could say that there was a President who did everything right. One of the things I see today is that we are so quick to judge and hate. We tend to be mistrustful. I see that many things are played out on the internet (which of course if it is on the internet then it must be true) or on the news or even in the mighty newspaper.
I do not want to see our country abandon many of the values that have guided us for so many years. But in reality it is not the government. It is we the people. Many will say we do not have a say anymore. I say we are really in charge. We say when we will spend money and how much. We say when we will travel and how far. We say when we will watch TV and buy the shamwow. We say when we will not buy the latest Brittany news garbage. You get my drift. We the people are in charge of what we do. Now the government is in charge of many things like if we can buy a car that gets better milege. Or if we can buy a house at a better rate since they are buying up all the banks. But they are not in charge of our happiness.
I am in the middle of putting together thoughts then words to an idea about a book. Who in the past has been an inspiration and why? Here is a list of people so far. Jesus Christ, (Duh) Martin Luther, John Wesley, Gahndi, Leonardo da Vinci, Galileo, Newton, Plato, Socrates. My idea is that 200 years from now is that Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Ted Kennedy, J.P. Morgan and the like will not be so influencial. Why? Because they were about money. (OK Ted is about...who knows but I just like putting his name on the list). What are people best remebered for? What do we want to be remebered for? My tombstone or cardboard box will hopefully say that people loved me and I loved them. I had integrity and would not compromise it for money. I had respect because I gave it. I gave of my soul because another needed it. So all in all you get my drift. Now drift is appropriate because I do drift in and out of this process of thinking.
So all is well in our world. The world of my mind where I support my President in that we are subject to our rulers. I will not bad mouth him just because he does not think 100% the way I do. I hope and pray that he is led by integrity and by the Sprit of God as do I wish for all man kind. (except for the guy who keeps calling me and hanging up) Be good humans and go have an ice cream cone dipped in chocolate.

Tim

1 year later

So as I sat reading a friends blog it reminded me that dreams are freaky. Jen's dream was vivid. Mine was real. Many of you know I was a foster child. Well here goes the dream. A Wednesday evening Thursday morning, I had a strange yet realistic dream. I was being notified by mail (do letters still get sent?) That my Mother (died 1963) and Father were having a medical procedure done and I needed to be there. Since I have never met my Father it would be strange. The letter shows a map of roads and almost a google map page near a bay of water. I then see him in the dream wearing chaps riding a horse and then he and I go surfing. The procedure goes fine. I see him with a truck and then poof it is over. I woke up and said I need to go on ancestry.com to check him out again. Funny thing though. I had searched him out earlier about 3 months previous with a few tidbits. This time I found again he got married right around whenI was born to a woman in San Diego. Well I thought I would search her out. Her name was not the standard type name so I figured she would be easy. Through searches I found her through a post she filed on someones blog. I thought how can I find her now?
As my mouse went over her name her email address popped up. I emailed her right away. As I asked her the questions only a wife of my father would know she emailed me back and asked for some information from me. Within 2 hours she emailed me back and asked for my phone number. That evening she called me. She asked one question to verify who I was. She then knew it was truly me. Now it gets interesting.
It turns out that my father fought apaternity suit against my mother in 1963. Which we cannot find in the records in San Diego yet. I then find out many things about him that I never knew. It turns out that while I was in the midwest with another foster family he was 40 miles away from me. His then wife whom I found him through was working for an attorney whose family I knew. She would visit the restaurant I worked in every so often since it was the only steak house in town. This gets even stranger. His daughter by her sends me a picture of him at age 68. Just picture me with really gray hair and it is the spitting image. Now for the weird. That evening I had the dream, He was in a city by a bay which I cant mention, having his pacemaker looked at. Now tell me that our Heavenly Father doesnt have an influence on our dreams from time to time. Now there are more particulars but I have given our blog to them to let them read. He doesnt want to have any contact at this time for which I am befuddled but understand. I can say that I wondered why did I have this dream only to not have contact with someone for whom I have been looking for my entire life? Oh well it is what it is. So next time you have a dream be careful it might mean something.

Tim

New Year...New Fun

So the New Year is finally here. With holidays and just the plain day to day duties sometimes the actual message of a new year gets lost. New ideas, new resolutions, new laws, new bills. So as I sit here thinking ( a new concept), I wonder if this year will bring something different to our lives. Well that was the understatement of my life. How often do we think that this year will be the year to do... Or this will be the year that the Chargers win the Super Bowl. It doesn't matter. It is the journey that matters. I know it sounds cliche but it really the journey. I was talking with my fellow students on break the other day about how great it would be to just lie down in a park and take a nap. There were the things oh not here, the grass is itchy, homeless people, you know the drill. When I was younger wondering in Las Vegas trying to get my life on track I walked and walked and walked. I would get to a park and just lay down and take a nap. I would sit and think. Just me with no other distractions. I would see other people and their interactions with their families. By myself I had so much time to contemplate so many things. But now I look at those times as WOW was I ever the bum. Now is the time of my life. Instead of getting to sit and contemplate I get to pickup toys, watch my children, clean faces, pickup toys, make lunch, feed the gecko, pickup toys, you get my drift. Is this great or what? I truly see purpose in life with my family. Life may go by more quickly with less things accomplished but I get to see the things that matter most. I could be snowboarding right now. I could be surfing now. I could be golfing now. I could be on a week long trip on a motorcycle right now. I could be hiking in Yosemite right now. But I am not. I am at home with my family full of love. I am in the place that is most secure. I am with the ones I love. So is it a New Year? No it is just another day full of adventure, diapers, toys, music, tears, laughter, bills and so much more.

Tim